You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
