I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
