You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
