he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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