Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
