how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
