ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
