Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
