Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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