at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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