The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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