He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
