So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
