Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
