It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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