I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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