i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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