remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
