He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
