we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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