Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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