12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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