He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
