There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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