just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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