I want to make a zoo with you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
