sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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