I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
