In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
