I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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