I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
