i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
