How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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