terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
