Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
