This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
