Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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