If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
