i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
