went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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