"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
