I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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