Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
