Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
