how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm experimenting with sincerity
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
