Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
