we have pet lesbian snakes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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