don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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