Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
