My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
