Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
