and you said cock pushups were impossible
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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