Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
